A New Kind of Hero for a New Kind of World, Hero #11

By Silvana Avinami | June 30, 2009

(This post is part of a pact I made. Click here for the full story.)

Meet JC. Hearing him tell me about his career path left a sizeable smile on my face. It could be because he has such a contagious - and warm laughter. Or because his story is so inspiring - and quite unique. It could also be because he shared with me his story with a sense of honesty and transparency that I had not come across before.

That said, I’ve spent the past few days trying to work out if JC is an adrenaline junky or one of the bravest persons I’ve ever met. Because there’s such a fine line between the two, I’m finding it hard to tell. I’ll let you make up your own mind.

Being that JC`s dad is a successful business man, throughout this interview I kept wondering why JC did not follow in his dad’s foot-steps. After all, JC has the option to join a business which could meet his financial needs several times over. Yet time after time, JC has chosen to go after his passions.  “I’m a big believer that you gotta follow your passion…In my little world and experiences, I think that’s where people make a big mistake. They go into things for the wrong reasons…to please others…You have to remember that a lot of people get jealous. They don`t want you to succeed…they try to bring you down…So don`t worry about what others say, don`t let others dictate your life.”

Yet speaking with JC it became clear that none of his career decisions have been driven by rebellion or anger towards his father or family. During our interview, at one point I mentioned that when he laughs he sounds just like his dad. Almost instinctively he said that he was honored by my comment. “My dad is a very special man. I admire him…what he’s done.”

He also told me: “I’m simply not an office person…I don`t have it in me.” This he found out after he set up an online business with his brother. As much as he enjoyed the adrenaline rush that comes from working on a start-up, he did not enjoy working in an office.

Note to self: Unthinkable force is generated when you work in line with your life’s purpose.

Driven by his passion, JC has been on a path that has led him, time after time, to break the mold that he inherited from his dad. Since the age of 16, JC has been a certified pilot. Flying is his first love. As I found out, it’s not his only love.

When I asked him what drove him to pursue such a risky - and expensive - activity he said to me: “It’s hard to describe…it’s in my blood…it’s like a drug. It’s inside of me - a deep passion for flying.”

Note to self: Your own reason for being lies inside of you. Finding it is a matter of learning to listen to it.

After getting his flying license, he became a flight instructor - one of the youngest at the academy. At 20 he was hired by a commercial airline, where he worked for eight years, flying domestic 1 to 2 hour ‘short hops’. He was then hired by another major airline. That job lasted four years until he was laid off following the shake up after 9/11.

He highlighted more than once that: “Flying is one of those jobs that if you don’t have a passion for it, you can’t do it.” As he explained, getting a license is a big time commitment. And the work schedule is quite demanding. It requires that you’re away from family for long periods of time - which means that you’ll end up missing a lot of important occasions.

He also told me that he’s thankful that he was in one of the last groups to get laid-off. However, as he explained, that also meant that most of the good jobs in other airlines were already taken. He made it quite clear that he’s not one to dwell on things. “Those around me tell me that I deal with things differently.” His girlfriend has even mentioned that at times it seems that he has a switch which allows him to move on almost instantly.

That being the case, shortly after getting laid off, he started to seriously consider a job in the police force. To learn more about what’s involved, he went on a few ride-alongs, where he spent the day on the field with real life cops. That is when he felt that he had found his second passion. “I remember the second or third call I went on. It was to handle a domestic violence incident…It’s pretty much the only job where you can right a wrong. That’s a really powerful thing. And it happens almost every day. I’m also an adrenaline junky…(as he says this, I can almost feel his pulse quicken) you go from 0 to 100 and back to 0. I love that. That happens in policing all the time. A million things can happen in a millisecond. That’s how I feel alive!”

Let that echo inside your brain one more time…that’s how I feel alive.

Note to self: What makes you feel alive?

As he told me: “it’s not that I’m heartless (or a career slut) - or that my passion for flying seized to be.” This is quite evident by how he described feeling when he got laid off: “When I got laid-off, that was one of the saddest days of my life. I’d spent 10 years working to the point where I could drive this big piece of equipment…by then I was on cloud million…Loosing my job was like facing a death sentence…I knew it would happen…just not when.” He then told me that he had some time to mourn, but being one not to dwell on things, he said to himself: “it happened…pick up the pieces and lets move on.”

Note to self: What have you been dwelling on? Let go…

His original plan was to work as a cop for four to five years tops - until he got called back by the airline. Five years later when he got called back, he went back to flying for 7 months. Then decided to return to his job in the police-force. And he has been back for over a year. He told me that the catalyst for this decision was the death of his dog Matt. On the day Matt died, he was not in town because he was scheduled to fly. It bothered him that he could not be there for his dog who had been there for him so many times. He also sensed that the industry had changed for the worst. He knew that it was time to let go.

Note to self: Be clear on your values. When things change around you, let your values shine a light on your path.

Aside from passion, JC is driven by a strong pursuit for excellence. More than once he said to me: “I don`t believe in half-assing anything I do. I take things to the limit.” His achievements are proof of this. Aside from making it into the SWAT team, the police force’s most elite team, in 2008 he was named officer of the year.

As determined, strong and intense as JC is he has a very soft center. First, he’s a self-confessed animal lover. Until he met his girlfriend, his two dogs were the love of his life. (I sense that his soon-to-be-born child will also top the list) JC also loves photography. To the point where he now has a business taking fashion and wedding pictures, whenever he’s off-duty.

He said to me that he stumbled upon his photography business by pure chance. “It was a freak accident.” It started when a friend in the police force asked him for help with a modeling portfolio. Being that JC has been taking pictures since he was a kid - mostly of planes - he agreed. And the rest is history.

In spite of JC immersing himself fully to learn about photography, he admits that often times he isn’t 100% certain of how to take certain shots his clients ask for. Yet he still takes those jobs. It’s not that his deceitful. Rather he believes, as he tells new police recruits: “There comes a time when you’re gonna have to grab your balls and just go! You gotta be confident. Even if you don`t (fully) know what’s going on, you gotta pull it through.”

And so he has. Today his client base is growing, even in a slow economy.

Note to self: Go beyond faking it until you make it. Focus on making it.

JC leaves us with his intensity.

“You gotta trust your gut…Always have enough confidence in yourself that you’ll survive and the balls to do it. A lot of people talk a lot…I’ve always tried to be a do-er and not a talker. You gotta try different things, be adventurous…”

 Photos by JC

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Take up more space

By Silvana Avinami | June 28, 2009

(Or Bold is beautiful)

 

It feels like long-nails sliding down a blackboard when I think about how some people go out of their way – way out – in order to not disturb others.  Yes, I cringe at the thought that there are some who tip-toe through life, hoping to make as little noise as possible, to be noticed as little as possible, asking for permission and apologizing. 

 

That said, I did not write this post to promote rudeness, loudness, or obnoxiousness.   It`s about turning on the volume on those who walk around with the mute button pressed. 

 

Taking up more space is about joining and contributing to the conversation. 

 

So how do you come into living out your full size?

  1. Develop your own opinion. (For the record, expressing your own opinion is not about being a contrarian for the sport of it.)  You may find that you agree with others a lot of the time.  But please arrive at that conclusion AFTER thinking things through. Learn to use your own filters.  Trust them.
  2. Speak up.  Learn to share your thoughts and opinions in a non-threatening way.  A successful entrepreneur said to me once: “the truth is not contained inside a single point of view – it’s the sum of multiple opinions.” Contribute to the truth.
  3. Ask for forgiveness (only if it’s absolutely necessary).  Next time that you feel tempted to ask for permission to do something, STOP.  Ask yourself if you`re doing so out of politeness or fear.  If it`s the latter, take action.  If later on you find out that your actions trespassed someone else`s space, make it a point to learn from the experience.
  4. Seek to live your own truth. When you express your needs and defend your limits, you`re making way for an honest exchange with those around you.  Communicating to others where you stand, makes way for collaboration. 
  5. Say that you`re sorry once…once.  Saying sorry ad nauseum is not polite.  It`s annoying.  When you make a mistake, take ownership (apologize if it`s absolutely called for), and for everyone’s sake, move on – and pronto!
  6. Drop self-imposed grudges.  When you assume that others know what`s on your mind, particularly when it comes to your needs, you`re risking not getting your needs met.  Then does it make sense to hold a grudge towards someone because you feel they have not given you what you want – when in the first place you have not been clear about your needs? 
  7. Walk down the middle.  (Do so symbolically and literally)  When you walk into a room, even if you don`t think so, pretend that your presence is necessary.  Let others know that you arrived.  Walk down the middle - and introduce yourself.

So go on, spread out.  Be bold and beautiful.

 

Photo credit: Peterastn

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A New Kind of Hero for a New Kind of World, Career Hero #10

By Silvana Avinami | June 22, 2009

(This post is part of a pact I made. Click here for the full story.)

Meet Henry*.

A man with a mind that’s sharp as a diamond and the endurance of a tri-athlete. If you ever meet him face-to-face, you’ll notice that he speaks at a million words a minute – just imagine the speed of his thoughts. Henry is also quite impatient and demanding – but mostly with himself.

Yet as bright, talented and disciplined as Henry is, it was only until his mid-thirties, after moving up the ladder in the Australian financial sector, then test-driving a string of jobs in the sporting industry, and in between starting & stopping two university degrees (Business and Psychology) that he feels he has finally found his career Nirvana in the healthcare sector.

Today, Henry is a fifth year medical student in Newcastle – a town a few hours outside of Sydney, Australia. In his own words: “I am not a working doctor yet but I am around the hospital a lot, both as a student and in my part-time job in an emergency department, where I have worked for nearly two years. I feel far more at home in the (medical) field than I did in finance…Medicine offers me things that finance and sales can’t – ever.” When I spoke with him a few weeks ago, he told me that he’s considering specializing in anesthesiology or intensive care.

Sure, with such a checkered path, riddled with stop & go’s, it’s tempting to pin him down as a quitter. Also it’s hard to wonder if this time he’ll stick around long-term.

Yet I decided to give him a chance. And found that his actions are more in line with someone who’s determined to find his reason for being at any cost. I also found that he fits more the profile of a superhuman. Intensity is his modus operandi – not quitting.

Note to self: Give yourself time to search where your passion lies. That time is an investment in yourself, not a waste.

Then why did Henry go through so much trial-and-error before finding his career Nirvana?

Simply put, Henry suffers from having too many choices – mostly because he’s great at many things. In his words: “I guess the pattern here was quitting not because I was not doing…well but because I had other things to do! …In some ways, having too many choices is a burden. It can make it hard to choose something!…”

Henry’s search started at 16 when after attending an air-show, he became passionate about flying. Soon after, he enrolled in flying school and through part-time work as a bank-teller, he paid for his flying license. In his words: “At the end of childhood I probably saw myself being a professional pilot, either military or commercial.”

That changed when he wound up in the futures division at one of Australia’s major finance corporations, Macquarie Bank. This was a case of Henry being too smart for his own good. While looking for work after high-school, to continue to pay for his pilot’s license, he applied for a bank-teller job. After testing and interviewing exceptionally well, instead he was offered a much better (and higher paying) role in the futures division. From there he worked his way up to the metals trading floor, trading a principal book. In his words:”It was a sought after job, in a big money making division in the bank, and it was an exciting time.”

During the decade that he worked in the financial industry, Henry was making enough money to live comfortably in Sydney – one of the world’s most expensive cities. He was also able to fund an eight-year stint competing in triathlons, which included completing three Ironman distance races.

Reading how he describes this time in his life makes my legs cramp-up. “On paper, it is an insane thing to do, and looking back I don’t know how I did all the training – up to 25 hours a week on top of about a 45 to 50 hour job. But it was very important to my self-confidence, starting a new sport at age 20 and then finding out I was reasonably good at it and then doing races that most people look at and think just aren’t achievable. Big confidence booster for me.” I believe him. I once met one of his training buddies – an outstanding athlete himself. He told me that Henry is one of those gifted athletes who’s effortlessly great at what he does. At least to an outisder, it looks that way.

Note to self: Have healthy self-esteem, will succeed. Have you performed a health-check on your self-esteem lately?

In spite of his financial success and achievements in the financial sector, something did not feel quite right for Henry. He describes it as being in a ‘career crisis’. In his words: “(At one point)…I got really depressed, which is when I KNEW there was no way I could stay in finance. I knew I was in the wrong place for several reasons. I looked up the ladder and didn’t see a lot to inspire me….The work didn’t inspire me. I got a little way on ability alone, but there comes a point when you really need to work hard and have your heart in what you are doing, to get anywhere – and clearly I didn’t.”

At that point Henry knew that he had to change, if only he could work out what to do next. In search for answers, he worked in a string of jobs that for the most part were related to one his passions – sports. This was also when he started (and stopped) a Psychology degree.

Note to self: Be open to trying different things. After all isn’t it insane to expect different outcomes while doing the same thing over and over and over again?!

His career ‘aha moment’ came quite randomly after he convinced a group of friends to buy a painting for another friend as a surprise for her birthday. As he wrote to me: ”She had no idea until we gave it to her…When she opened it she burst into tears of gratitude. It was a really powerful experience and it made me think a lot. Being able to make a difference in people’s lives is a really special thing, and tremendously gratifying.” In his typical snappy way he continues: “I am not silly enough to think that moments like that will happen every day. In fact, a lot of people you run into in health are not remotely grateful. But when you do something well and help somebody in a lot of pain, or otherwise unwell, it is a great way to be able to spend your days.”

This is all well and good on paper, but in practice how was Henry able to find the courage to take the leap and embark in a five year degree – in a career where it will take him close to 20 years to match his pay check in the financial industry?

In his words: “The thought of going back to university (a.k.a uni in Aussie-speak) for five years was a big draw back, but for some reason, it seemed easier the longer my ‘career crisis’ went on. My dad’s partner is a doctor and she also started in her 30s, so that was inspiring.”

Note to self: What would you rather endure? The steps to get where you want to? Or your current misery?

As determined as he is, he admits that he spent too much time bumming around and waiting for something to happen. In his words: “It doesn’t just happen. I drifted along for a very long time, taking the path of least resistance. “

Note to self: What are you waiting for? A pie to fall from the sky?

*Name changed for privacy reasons.

Photo credit: www.socius.or.kr

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Drop it!

By Silvana Avinami | June 14, 2009

Drop: Problems - they will squash you.

Keep: Challenges - you will rise to meet them.

Drop: Excuses - they will drag you down.

Keep: Reasons - they will energize you.

 

Drop: Sacrifices - they will make your decisions seem painful.

Keep: Trade-ups - it’s what you gain when you choose long-term benefits over instant gratification.

 Need to drop anything else?  How about self-sabotage?

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It`s all about the traction

By Silvana Avinami | June 7, 2009

Unthinkable force is generated when your work is in line with your life`s purpose.

 

It`s the difference between driving with snow chains during a storm, or leaving them in your garage.

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Find cause, will break cycle

By Silvana Avinami | May 30, 2009

Have you noticed how there are certain emotions that you continue to expereince during your day-to-day at work?  Like for example, every time you hear the phone ring first thing in the morning as you`re settling in to your work station, you feel dread.  Each time an email bounces, you feel frustrated.  And each time a paper crams in the printer, you feel your face heat up in anger.

                     

Like Pavlov`s dogs, whenever `this` happens, you feel `this` emotion.

Day in and day out, you feel the same emotions, as if they were being fed to you on a conveyor belt. Days, months, years – and a life time goes by - while you experience the same emotional routine, the same song & dance.

 

Surely there`s a way to end the (emotional) ground-hog day.  Surely.

 

So how do you break the cycle? As I found out, it`s a matter of digging deep into your little voice.  Doing so may not be easy, but it is possible.

 

First, some back ground.  What you experience, or how you behave and react to a situation is directly related to what you think about the situation. Trouble is, our brains produce thoughts at a speed that makes it hard for us to single them out and examine them.  In other words, our brain does not produce a thought at snail pace – then gives us time to analyze it before it hits us with the next one.  Rather our active brains, tend to be hyperactive.  It`s the speed at which thoughts are produced that makes it hard for us to single out a single thought. Even so, it is possible to do.

 

Next time you feel angry, in the midst of your tantrum, with your face feeling hot, try to tune into to your little voice.  Ask yourself: “What am I thinking right now?”  Dig deeper.  Ask yourself: “What exactly am I thinking about this situation?”  Go even deeper.  Ask yourself: “What is at the core of this situation? What really is bothering me?”

 

It was taking time to tune into my thoughts (face feeling hot and all) that I discovered the cause of an anger routine that has been repeating itself for years in my life.   Now I know that whenever something small goes wrong at work – like a paper jams inside the printer or  an email bounces – I feel frustrated because deep down inside (yes, you gotta go deep), I dread solving the problem.  Aha!

In the case of a paper jam, deep down inside I dread walking to the printer (which in my last job was all of 20 paces away, and took 3 seconds), opening it up (5 seconds), and removing the paper from the tray (20 seconds, tops).  After doing the math, I realized that quite often I was spending much longer feeling angry than what it took me to solve the problem!  Ironic, wouldn’t you say?

 

It was going through this process that I finally understood that anger, frustration, dread and anxiety do not solve a thing. Not a single thing.  Rather, these negative emotions take up real-estate in my brain, and suck energy and time away from me. All resources I could use towards solving the situation that made me angry, frustrated, anxious in the first place.

 

What can you do right now to change your emotional song & dance?  How deep are you willing to go?

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A New Kind of Hero for a New Kind of World, Hero # 9

By Silvana Avinami | May 23, 2009

(This post is part of a pact I made. Click here for the full story.) 

To fully experience Denise, open another window to play the breath song while you read this post.

Powered by dedication and discipline, Denise is well-acquainted with competing and winning. Yet, as she has recently discovered, achieving and receiving recognition is not what fulfils her.

In her words: “With all the prizes and so that I’ve won as a (classical) pianist and tennis player I can’t say that I have ever really gained anything. Glory and acknowledgement, yes, but (when) the glory and acknowledgement disappear after a while…all that is left is me, ‘Denise’.”

Denise’s child-hood appears to have been a series of well-orchestrated moves, mainly by her family.  At the age of eight she started playing the classical piano and at eleven she was enrolled at a performing arts school close to Munich, Germany to receive formal training.  During the nine years that followed, she played in several concerts, belonged to an orchestra, played solos, and won several competitions.  She also took up song writing and made records.

Although music took the centre-stage during her child-hood, sports were also a major part of her life.  She played tennis competitively at the interstate level and taught spinning at local gyms.  In her words: “…sport always accompanied me during this time to keep my head clear!”  And in line with her high achieving nature, for many years she remained ranked as the number one player within her team.

Practice and dedication were at the core of her achievements in both music and sports.  She had days and weeks before concerts when she practiced eights hours a day.  Tennis training took up to four hours a day.

As an accomplished musician, a career in music seemed like a natural progression for her after high school.  Without giving it much thought, she enrolled at the University for Music and Performing Arts in Vienna to pursue a combined degree in music and sound engineering. 

Until that point, Denise excelled at reading from someone else’s music sheet. 

She began to compose her own life when, two and a half years into her university degree, Denise felt strongly that a career in music was not for her and neither was playing tennis.

As she wrote to me: “…the expectation from outside influences…(gave me) a wrong picture of myself and who I thought I had to be and who I thought would be acknowledged by family or society. Of course I loved playing tennis and the piano but sometimes I thought I had to achieve something with it or had to be the best. So after a while it became a ‘forcing it’ rather than ‘enjoying it’.”

She reached a point where physically she couldn’t hit a tennis ball. ”I think the inner frustration built up so much that it took away every spark of enjoyment. The same happened with playing the piano or studying sound engineering. I always knew I loved sports or music but I guess I just felt that I wasn’t doing it for the right reason. So this inner conflict became so big, that my body told me very clearly to stop.”

Knowing that she had to stop did not make changing her path an easy decision to make.

“…I thought if I would stop this path I would lose everything that I had built up and that I would have nothing in my hands. At this point in time I sadly believed that (my) status in society is more important than being true to (myself).”

Yet her need to stop following someone else’s script was so powerful that she feels that being in a car accident around this same time was not a coincidence. ”…A big car accident…forced me to look differently at my life and how to live it. I was definitely looking for an exit and on a deeper level the universe provided me with one…”

Note to self:  How far are you willing to go until you stop to listen to yourself? 

Because she had been focused on music and sports most of her life, she had little idea of what else to do.  She decided to travel to Australia to take time-out.  From what she wrote to me, more than a break, she was looking to distance herself as much as possible from the pressure. Not surprisingly, to this day, she has not played the piano or returned to Germany. Only on a few occasions has she hit a tennis ball.

Instead of travelling around, like most back-packers do when they come to the Land of Oz, she enrolled in a personal training course.  And that stroke a chord for Denise.  As she wrote to me: “I discovered an even deeper love for training and being fit,…I also felt strongly that I had a gift for helping and motivating people to achieve their goals…it felt so right to me to train people and motivate them. I was in my element. And this time nothing felt forced. It just gave me great joy to help others achieve their goals! Later on I also learned Remedial Massage to help even more people on a different level…

I can say that doing Personal Training, Instructing and Massage feels like my calling and I love doing it!”

Composing her own life is how Denise found her career Nirvana.

Note to self: To play to the beat of your own drum, listen to your heart.  Who’s sheet are you reading from?

Denise now lives in Sydney, where she’s building  a career in the sporting industry.  She works as a spinning instructor and a personal trainer at the largest chain of gyms in the country. She also has her own business as a massage therapist.  And recently launched a line of sports’ clothing under the label TranscendenceTM .  She feels her clothing business is an extension of everything that she has been doing for the last 4 years.

Taking one of her spinning classes is a unique experience. (It is also a form of self-inflicted pain)  With her extensive knowledge about the body’s breathing rhythm and music’s tempo, she does a fantastic job at synchronizing the body’s rhythm with the music.  And because she also knows how far the body can go, she can’t resist the temptation to push everyone to their limit…and beyond.

Note to self:  Reinvent yourself. To create the best version of YOU, focus on your strengths and what you enjoy.

Denise tells me that she did not plan for any of these changes – they just happened.  And that’s certainly not an easy thing to admit for a person who was raised on structure and predictability.

“The thought of quitting everything and doing something new was in my head for a while but I had no idea what to do and how to do it. Until one day I saw an advertisement in a newspaper saying ‘Work experience in Down Under’. It felt straight away like my call and I didn’t even think twice. I knew I had to go and at least give everything that I had been doing a rest. First I saw this one year in Oz more

 as time-out and a break. I could still decide after that year if I would continue a sport or music career or not. So the trip to Australia was the first step. From then everything else started changing…So coming to Australia has been one of the best decisions of my life. Everything started flowing from here…”

It’s clear that once Denise let go, things started to fall into place.

Note to self:  See taking the first step as a leap onto your path of success – not as a jump off a cliff, into an unknown abyss.

So what has Denise’s journey taught her?  (I thought you’d never ask)

“Music and sport has always worked for me! I always put in hard work, a lot of patience and discipline.”

Note to self:  Anything worth achieving takes hard work and effort. That’s why if you’re passionate about what you do, you’re more likely to endure the challenges.

“I always also chose the right teachers and trainers. I was very dedicated and loved it.”

Note to self:  Seek for teachers and mentors who are worthy of imitation.  Their ways, good and bad, will rub-off on you.

“(Another) major lesson I’ve learned is that competitions are pretty useless…There will always be someone out there who is better than me and someone who is worse than me.  So what point does it make to compete? To me competitions are ego-driven and take away all the niceness and fascination of an art like sport or music. It becomes usually all about achieving and winning rather then enjoying…”

Note to self: The race is long – and in the end, it’s only with you.  Besides, what’s a trophy worth without enjoyment? (Look inside the window of a pawn-shop if you need some evidence)

She moves on to say: “If I could do it all over again I would do probably exactly the same just with a different, freer attitude. The only thing that didn’t work for me was the attitude I had, which was based on wrong beliefs about myself and life. It didn’t work for me that I thought I had to achieve something with it and that I had to have a status in society. If I would have enjoyed sport and music more just for what it is I’m sure I would have got even better results with it than what I got, because I wouldn’t have limited myself too much with wrong beliefs.”

“I can…say…that I love training like an athlete. But I wouldn’t choose the competitions again…In terms of music I also would have allowed myself to be much freer. I would have started to do more improvisation on the piano as a child rather than getting too stuck on the notes in classical piano. That would have led to more freedom in playing and performing music.”

Note to self: It’s in our nature to be free. (Have you been to a zoo lately?) Tamper with that system and you’re bound to find trouble.  Be free. Start by letting go of all your self-imposed limitations. Drop them like a red-hot piece of coal.

Denise is determined to continue to enjoy her path.  Even now that she has taken a new sport – kickboxing – which she’s quite good at, she made a pact with herself to not enter any competitions.  “Until today I have loved it…I wouldn’t let my competitive ego take the fun out of it…I just enjoy learning it, doing it and getting fitter and fitter from it!”

Note to self: It’s possible that right now you’re on the right path. The reason you may not feel that way is because something is truncating the flow of things.  Is it your beliefs? Whose expectations are you living up to? Once you remove from your path the ‘interruptions’, you will experience bliss. 

“But I don’t regret anything. Everything happened the way it should!…I had to learn the lessons that I had to learn. Otherwise I wouldn’t have the awareness that I have today…I don’t think I should have started my path as Personal Trainer or Remedial Massage Therapist sooner because I wouldn’t have learned all the lessons on the way and wouldn’t have gained the knowledge about my life that I have today! So I wouldn’t be the person, the trainer or the therapist that I am today. And I wouldn’t want to give that up for anything!”

Note to self: EVERYTHING (and I mean EVERYTHING) happens for a reason. Trust the process. Be relentless about looking for the lessons and applying them.

“…it’s never too late for anything. I’m now on a level in sport and fitness than I’ve never been before and it feels like there is no end in improving myself! That’s a great experience! Also in music I feel that I’m slowly but strongly getting back into it…surely not with classical piano, but with DJ-ing and compositions in electronic music, which I can wonderfully combine with teaching spin classes!”*

Note to self: What have you been putting off because you think you’re too old to start working on?

And lastly Denise writes: “…being true to myself instead of pleasing others I became a happier person!…So all in all being true to my self has worked! Trying to impress, or TRYING to be someone (else), hasn’t.”

Make a mental note of that!

Posted in career nirvana, career ownership, empowerment, finding meaning, self-awareness | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Cut the (umbilical) cord

By Silvana Avinami | May 16, 2009

 (Or the birth of  brand YOU)

A few months ago Dan Schawbel (personal branding guru and author of Me 2.0) asked me if I wanted to contribute to his e-mag: Personal Branding.  He offered me the option to either edit or write a column.  I chose to write – and accepted to write The Brand Assessment column.  I figured that although as an editor I’d be in a  unique position to learn from other  writers, by writing I’d be able to further develop my voice. And that was a risk worth taking.  
By clicking here, right now you can receive your free sample of the e-mag and read my very first article.  (The yearly subscription, which includes 4 issues, costs $12.95 and 50% of proceeds go to the American Cancer Society)  

To celebrate this milestone in my writing career, I decided to write this post to remind you that as an employee you’re a stand-alone entity with business needs of your own.   That said, this is not to perpetuate the ‘free agent’ conversation – mostly because plenty has already been written about that.    This is to empower you to answer a question that will resonate throughout  your entire working life – “Why do I need a personal brand?”

So why do you need a personal brand?

Here’s the deal.  As an employee you may be a vital part of the organization you work with.  And you may count on that organization for your lively-hood – (a.k.a. paycheck).  Even so, you’re not an extension of that business.  That simply means that just as that organization has business needs of its own which btw you help cater for, you also have business needs that require attention – a personal brand being among the main ones.

I’ve raised more than a few eye-brows each time that I’ve advocated that employees work for themselves with employers, not for them.  I stand behind this even if that involves changing jobs at a pace that appears to benefit employees more than their current employer.  To continue to defend my position, I’d like to remind you that working with an organization goes beyond being independent.  It’s about interdependency.    And a basic requirement for achieving interdependency is for both parties to be independent in principle from one another. Only then will true collaboration arise - between two independent parties that decide to collaborate.  Although it’s possible for parties with varying degrees of dependency to co-exist for some time, the relationship is doomed from the start.   If you’ve ever seen what a leech does to its host, you’ll agree that a parasitic relationship does not benefit either party.  The leech remains a leech – with no other option than to find another host to leech off from - and the host is eventually sucked dry - slowly but surely.   To learn from real-life collaboration, think orhcids.  These breath-taking flowers grow from the branches of trees without taking away nutrients from its host. That’s because orchids are epiphytes, not parasytes.  They have their own mechanism of survival, independent from its host.  As such they’re able to add to the host - not take away from it.

Realizing that as an employee you have your own brand (and identity) – separate from the current organization you work with – and developing that brand to support your own goals, are two key steps in cutting the umbilical cord from your current employer.  Failing to do so will keep you in a state of dependency, unable to reach your fullest potential as an employee.  You loose and so does your employer - remember the leech-host drama.

As you think through that, here are a few key pointers:

1.       A personal brand is for YOU. It will inspire you, empower you, focus you, drive you and help you achieve fulfillment in your work-life.  It will also prevent you from being dragged by others. 

2.       A powerful personal brand is authentic.  Yes, your uniqueness is your strength.  The world of work is light years away from your school playground where other kids would make fun of you for not fitting in.  Not following the herd in the world of work is an asset. Look closely at yourself.  When amongst your colleagues, take time to notice what makes you stand out (yes, like a sore thumb).  How can you further develop your distinguishing traits?  How can you cash in on them?

3.       A sustainable personal brand emerges from a place of honesty within you.   The closer to your truth your personal brand is, the longer you’ll be able to stand behind it.   Being honest (with yourself) marks the difference between building a sail boat with a long keel* and one with a short one. The one with the short one will be toppled even by  small waves.  The one with the longer one will be well-grounded and will be able to withstand many rough waters.

Think about this next time that you’re contemplating a change in your career.  What steps will you take today to cut the cord?

 

*For my land-locked friends, a keel is a long, slim plank that juts out from the bottom of the sail boat.  It’s the structure that keeps the boat from tipping over.

Posted in career ownership, empowerment, leadership, personal branding, self-awareness, strategic job hopping | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Impermanent is a good thing

By Silvana Avinami | May 12, 2009

“Don’t get too attached…” said a sales manager to me once in reference to a sales rep she thought would not be around for much longer.

Her words continue to echo in my mind since that day eight years ago.  As a strategic job-hopper I tend to not stick around for long at jobs (my all time highest tenure at a job is 18 months, my average is 14 months). Most certainly impermanence is the law of my land.  Even so, contrary to what most think, not getting attached does not make me cold-hearted.  Learning to let go will not make you ice-cold either.  Knowing that things do not last for ever will drive you to make the most of your current situation, to stop taking things for granted.  And that’s a good thing.

Riding the wave of change will make you better able to:

  1. Keep the lessons from each day.  While situations – good and bad – do not last forever, the lessons that they leave in their wake are yours to keep for life – and to pass on as your legacy.  Learn to take stock at the end of each day (I call this a ‘wrap-up & psych-up’ session). Acknowledge to yourself your accomplishments and the lessons you learned.  Like a snow flake, each day is unique. It has something unique to teach us.  It’s the sum of lessons and experiences that make us who we are.  Welcoming those lessons into your life makes you more open to change and more resilient.
  2. Seize the day.  That’s far from being reckless - and destructive. On the contrary. It means being thankful for the day that you have been given to get closer to your goals.  Sure there are days when we feel like letting our hair down. And that’s okay. As long as the spirit of your actions is constructive – like to unwind and de-stress, not to hurt others or yourself – it’s okay to have fun.
  3. Live with a sense of urgency.  This is far from rushing around.  It stands for being focused and deliberate.  It’s also about identifying interruptions and learning to manage them out of your life.  
  4. Act now.  In case you need reminding, nothing lasts forever.  That includes my life and yours.  It’s okay to put off certain things in order to make time for the more important and urgent.  It’s not okay to live in ‘some day’ mode.  If you don’t give importance to what matters most to you, to what fulfils you, no one else will.  Switch from ‘some day’ to ‘if not now then when’ mode. Do it NOW.
  5. Be more tolerant in the face of challenging situations.  It’s one thing to endure the sting of a syringe in your arm when you know that it will not be forever, quite another when you know that the pain will last a lifetime.  Enduring challenges is just like learning to enjoy holding your breath under water.  Try it next time you go for a swim.  See how much further you can go before you come up for air.  Have fun with it.

Really knowing that things are impermanent will lead you to surrender in the face of change.  Once you do, you’ll find that you’ll be more trusting of the process. 

What are you holding onto with your dear life?  Let go…

 

Love the photo as much as I do?  Thanks Denis Darzacq

Posted in career ownership, empowerment, finding meaning, goal-setting, leadership, random yet relevant, self-awareness, short & sweet | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

So you wanna start a blog??

By Silvana Avinami | May 3, 2009

In the past month a few of my readers have asked me to help them start a blog.  By no means am I writing this post to avoid having coffee with you or speaking on the phone with you about this. I’d love to do those things.

I’m writing this mainly to organize my thoughts on the subject so that I can be of more help to anyone (and everyone) who wants to start a blog.

First up, I’d like to set the record straight.  By nature, I’m not drawn to technology. To you that means a few things.  First, this post is not a ‘how to’ start a blog.  There are plenty of tutorials out there that will help you do that. I find that YouTube is a great resource since there are hundreds (if not thousands) of video tutorials.  From how to start a wordpress blog, to how to embed video into a blog, you dream it, YouTube has it.  Another outstanding resource – one I personally rely on – is Rohit Bhargava’s blog.  (Make sure you check out his presentation on 25 blog styles.)

Second, if I was able to set up a blog and manage it regularly, you can too. Guaranteed!

So what is this about?

Instead I’d like to share with you the strategies and philosophies that guide my blog.  That you won’t find on You Tube (or Rohits’ blog).

1.  Be clear on your vision.  Before you open any of the links above, ask yourself: “Why do I want to start a blog?”  It could be because you want to draw in more business, or you want to take a shot at being a web celeb, or because you want to start a community. Whatever your blog’s reason for being is, be honest and be clear from the start.  It is that purpose that will drive and guide everything else. 

In my case, since day one of my blog project, I knew that my vision was:

To inspire and empower people around the world to create, follow and succeed on their path – and consequently become better citizens of planet Earth.

If that sounds familiar, it is because that’s the same exact vision that guides me as a writer.

That means that every time that I start a post, I ask myself: “Is this in line with my vision?”  If it is, I continue writing. If it isn’t, I ask: “How can I make this more in line with my vision?”

2. about those comments…Frankly, I’ve never been too hung up or neurotic about the number of comments on my blog.  That’s for two main reasons.   To begin with I know that even if people are not leaving comments, that they’re reading my blog.  They tell me so when I meet them on the street, when we catch up via email or facebook, or elsewhere.

And most important, for me, blogging is not a popularity contest.  It’s about contributing to my readers’ lives. And that cannot be measured in number of comments.

A similar belief guides me when I write comments on other blogs. While I know that some people are counting on comments – and very methodically tracking traffic – I rather not comment anything if I don’t have anything meaningful to add.  Some times that’s because what I’m thinking has already been said.  And I’m okay with that.  When I don’t leave a comment, it doesn’t mean that I didn’t get something out of a post.  I believe that everything that I read impacts my life.  Acknowledging that is my way of thanking those who have written the post.  I don’t see much point in saying something, anything, to simply add to the bean count.

If you take away one thing from this post let it be this: conversations, whether on or off line, need to be honest, transparent and meaningful – otherwise they’re noise pollution.

3. Are you adding value?  In line with having a guiding vision, this is one of the questions that I ask myself before publishing anything – a post, a comment, a tweet.  If I can’t honestly say that what I’m about to say will contribute anything of meaning, then it does not get published – no matter how long I spent working on it. (so what’s considered an acceptable time to spend on a 140 character tweet, anyway??)

4. Act as if the whole world will see it.  I’m not saying this to make you paranoid, but rather to make you more mindful.  Personally every time I’m about to publish anything online – a comment on a blog or on someone’s funwall, or a tweet – I ask myself: ”Will I be okay seeing this on the front page of a newspaper?”  Doing that quick check helps me sleep much better at night.

5. Be transparent. That does not mean: expose yourself.  Instead it means be honest, and mostly with yourself.  For example, if you honestly feel that sharing something about yourself will mean crossing personal boundaries, then don’t publish it.

Be clear on this: it’s possible to be popular in the blogoshpere by being yourself – even if you feel that’s too bland or not exciting enough. In other words, to express your uniqueness, you need not be an exhibitionist.  Sure exhibitionism is one of the ways to draw attention. Even so being authentic and respecting your own personal boundaries is also a great way to have followers.  Great leaders achieve that all the time.  They are driven by a clear purpose, not a me-too strategy. And that’s worthy of imitation – and following

6. Be patient.  The Web is a fast-moving world, yet it’s not instantaneous.  If you consistently produce good content, eventually the world will find you. The key is to be consistent and to stay true to yourself. And be patient.

7. Bloggers are living, breathing (and very cool) things. As a matter of fact, they’re social beings even if they spend 99% of their time behind a computer screen.  Read about their biggest face-to-face meet-up: SWSX

8. Expect to be empowered.  I’ve jumped off a plane with a parachute, I’ve jumped off ramps with my bike and skateboard, and I’ve moved across the globe for love.  Yet none of these experiences compare to how I felt when my first post went live.  (Yes, as I write this I’m feeling the adrenaline rushing through my body)  Blogging is empowering.  It changes your perspective on life – from passive observant, to active participant. 

What are you waiting for to start your own blog?

Photo – Thank you flickr!

Posted in empowerment, random yet relevant | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments